Rant on the Concept of Parenthood
(After an argument with my mother)
The whole concept of parenthood infuriates me. What's the point of giving life to a human being who grows to hate you? You are a kid for eighteen years. You go to college and fall in debt for four years, eight if you are really ambitious. Then you have maybe another four or five years before your Great Aunt Sally starts reminding you that your biological clock is ticking. You do not want to be known in your family as the spinster who did not procreate, so now all of a sudden you are in a rush to start a family. You marry the first person you share an apartment with because you are "comfortable," have 2.5 kids, who rack up insane amounts of therapy bills when mommy and daddy do not love each other anymore and get a divorce. You have a mid-life crisis and marry the mysterious artist from your past after your kids move out. You and your new husband jump on a plan to Cabo and party like teenagers, before finally buying that beach house you have always wanted, where you spend the rest of the short life you have left. What is the point? Where is the "you" time? Studying your ass off in college? Chauffeuring your kids to soccer practice? Crying over you failed marriage? Or when you are old enough to apply for an AARP card? You go from being a teenager to an adult to a mother in about seventeen years, which is around the same amount of time you spent trying to get rid of your parents. Why would you want to be one yourself? Giving birth may be one of the most beautiful miracles that ever happens to a woman, but is it worth sagging parts of your body that you didn't even know sagged at thirty, losing your keen fashion sense, having a husband who cheats with the nanny, or a van you swore to yourself at fifteen you would never buy that you do not even have enough kids to fill? Sure kids are great and our main purpose on Earth is to continue the human race, but are they worth the freedom you have fought so hard to have? Eventually I will become one of those mothers I loath in matching sweater sets and badly dyed hair, arranging play dates, but that will not be for a very long time. For now I am content with my individualist lifestyle, until one day in the very far future I surrender my protest against conformity and marry a man I love and have kids whom I will always love, although they might not always love me.
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7 comments:
Loving you Kaitlin!!! Sorry it took me sooooooo long to post this...
;)
wow....so many of these things ring true..its scary you are only 18...
I hope you read this often to remind yourself of the pros/cons of parenting. Your cons are convincing (to me)!
Wow Kaitlyn, I really really enjoyed reading your rant. I laughed out loud, and it makes me want to share back a little with you.
Having started having my children at a young age (I was 22 with my first), I can honestly say I have never felt as if they have taken anything away from me. In fact it is quite the opposite...they have made me into the person I am today.
While I am one who chauffeurs my kids to soccer practice in a van (I gave up the idea of owning a Mercedes Benz sports convertible years ago...definitely one of the biggest regrets of my life!) and to many other practices, I enjoy doing it even if it is hectic but as you may already know, I like a bit of chaos in my life.
Do you give up alot for your kids? Absolutely, but it is so worth.
You should definitely be content and embrace your individualist lifestyle for as long as you want it. But...if and when you are ready to enter the world of badly dyed hair (is mine???), matching sweater sets (do only moms where these???), and arranging ‘playdates’ (I so dislike this term that was developed during the past 15 yrs!) you will find that it is not such a bad place to be.
I agree with Ms. O’Neill, personally. But, that's because I want to be one of those soccer moms, cheering for their kids on the sidelines--or like Reba (on Cw11) who 'loves her kids and never stops' and despite the times her kids hate her, they love her all the more.
And personally, I think that's worth all the 'horrifying side effects' (is that true??). Because the feeling of giving birth and raising kids and seeing them go off to the world is much like the satisfaction a doctor or surgeon gets when seeing their patients go off to the world, no longer in pain. That satisfaction is one of the few things in life that I look forward too.
But, I also agree with you when you say you want your 'individualistic lifestyle.' Yet, motherhood and those last few years of our lives aren't going to be that horrible as your piece states---at least that's what I think.
♥ always smiling! :-P
Ginny G.
Love the rant! (if only I could have verbalized this when I was a teenager!)I say keep this piece handy for 10 years from now, I'd be interested in finding out if you still feel the same way. :) On a side note, I think you would make a really cool mom. -Ms.Shih
Loved this, Kaitlyn.
My kids are my heart. I mean, they're teenagers, and most of the time, I still enjoy their company. They're smart and funny and all good things.
And...
I'm also waiting for the mysterious artist from my past to take me to Cabo and buy me the beach house.
I think people feel the need to respond in an either/or, yes/but kind of way; for me, you have summed up the paradox here, the dichotomy, the very nature of what happens to many people when we become parents. At least for me.
You are wise beyond your years.
Thanks for this.
LM
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