John 3:16,Ashley Alongi

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.
I know this verse
along with others
I try to believe
I try to understand
That God gave his only
because God can only have one son?
and he has to die?
But I let it pass
I hold my questions
Because I know of unhelpful answers
So I go to church
I learn my creeds
I learn my sacraments
I learn about Doubting Thomas
Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen Me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed
Do we know what happened to him?
Afterlife wise that is…
No?
So I sing the hymns
I read the scriptures when asked
I repent for sins and wait for some feeling of forgiveness
I dig deep down to the bottom of my soul and wait
Wait for a feeling
a feeling that everyone else seems to have
a feeling I desperately want
a feeling that never comes